{If you haven't read the first part of our adoption story yet, please click here!}
My phone rang and when I saw it was Aaron, I was a little surprised because he knew I was working on a project. I answered and he said “I just got the call.” I, not catching on, simply responded with “Oh, who called?” He said, Nightlight. I responded, (still not catching on - because it had only been three weeks!!) said, “Oh what did they want?” He chuckled out of disbelief: “Holly I got THE call. They might have a match for us. When can you come home? They said they wanted to talk to both of us.” My brain simultaneously went into overdrive and shut down. I got home 15 minutes later and we stared at each other in shock for a minute and then took a deep breath as we talked to the director. We found out a birthmom in Missouri was interested in us. She had narrowed it down to us and another couple and wanted to meet us. Then we heard an even greater shock. She was due in 6 weeks. For further context, Aaron had finished his second year comprehensive exams for his MFA program the day before we got the phone call, and we were leaving for vacation the day after the phone call. The Lord’s grace in timing of that call was huge! A day earlier and Aaron would have been SO stressed, and a day later, we wouldn’t have gotten the call for 4 days as we were going to Cabo, Mexico. We made plans to drive to Missouri the morning after we got back from Mexico to have dinner with the caseworker and birthmom. We are thankful for that week away to calm down, process and pray! It was incredibly helpful to prepare us mentally for the roller coaster of emotions that we were going to be on when we got back home. I remember when we started the drive to Missouri looking at the clock realizing only 40 minutes had passed instead of the 2 hours I had thought! The time DRAGGED so slowly for me. Aaron is always more patient about everything and just told me to get comfortable and try to sleep. It didn’t totally work, but we just kept driving, and 9 hours later, we found ourselves running into a Target to change clothes, buy a ribbon for the plate of cookies we had brought, and go to the bathroom before driving down the street to the restaurant. I can’t really put into words the level of excitement, nerves, and trepidation walking into that restaurant. We had prayed a lot that we wouldn’t feel pressured to “perform” or “prove ourselves” but that instead we would simply be a loving example of Christ in those moments. I would be lying if I said there still wasn’t twinges of hoping the birthmom would like us, but truthfully, God worked mightily and we genuinely were more nervous about showing her love and sincerity in appropriate ways than anything else. We walked in, met the case worker, and found ourselves sitting in a corner booth. A few minutes later in walked the birthmom, who for simplicity from here on out, I’ll just call M. The dinner was more enjoyable than we could have imagined. M and the caseworker were wonderful. M was gracious, kind, funny, and easy to talk with. We shared favorite foods, movies, interests and normal, everyday things. The dinner went by quickly, and at the end, M told us that she felt really comfortable with us and would like to move forward with the adoption plan for us to be the parents. The only way to really describe that moment is to say it was staggering. To be looking in the eyes of a beautiful and courageous woman and be told she will be entrusting you with the most precious gift of life is staggeringly humbling. On our way back to Texas, we started making to do lists in between phone calls to family and a close circle of friends. We had decided before ever learning about M and Baby Girl that we would only tell a small group of people until after bringing home a child. The reality is that in our agency 1 in 4 adoptions end up being failed matches (meaning the birthmom ends up deciding to parent). Our agency did a great job preparing us for that possibility while also helping us pray with an open hand knowing that God is sovereign. If our match didn’t work out, then that means it was never supposed to. We wanted to be able to rejoice and support the birthmom regardless of her adoption plan because she was making incredibly difficult choices. I know it seems like something that would be easy to type now, but actually praying through that and believing that was definitely a choice we had to fight for. Not because we didn’t want to but because it was honestly scary. For us, the adoption journey taught us so much about our love of control and lack of trust. We got back to Texas and started a whirlwind of preparation. Our goal was to be ready a week or two before the due date in case Baby Girl decided to come early. If only we knew. Due date came and went. Finally 7 excruciatingly long days after the due date, we got the call. Not that she was coming, but that the doctor was going to induce the next day. Aaron and I packed the car and hit the road. We got to my aunt and uncle’s late that night. I didn’t mention earlier, but yet another way God provided was that my aunt and uncle lived about thirty minutes from the hospital M and Baby Girl were going to be at! We were at the hospital by 9am the next morning and the real waiting began. Baby Girl was in no hurry to make her entrance. At 4:25am the following morning, Eliza Grace was brought into our room and we fell in love. (The floor had graciously given us a room down the hall from M.) We were able to stay the two days at the hospital and it was incredibly special to be there with Eliza and M. We were discharged Saturday afternoon. We had to stay in the same county until our court date which as of Saturday was still TBD, but the attorneys thought it would be by the end of the day on Monday. So, we went to a hotel, brand new parents, itty bitty baby, and a whole lot of stuff! The first night in the hotel was… shall we say….. rough! Eliza screamed from midnight until 4am despite all the rocking, singing, swaying in the world. I’ve never been so happy to see daylight! Monday came and we kept waiting to hear about our court appointment, but we didn’t hear anything until 4:45pm. Our attorney’s office let us know that there had been an issue at the courthouse and so our appointment wouldn’t be until Wednesday morning. Honestly, that was really hard to hear for a practical and emotional reason. Practically, we couldn’t go to my aunt’s (because they lived in the next county) until after the court appointment. Emotionally, we were ready for everything to be finalized. We had emotionally been prepared to have it all finished on Monday and to find out that we needed to wait a couple more days was emotionally exhausting. However, we had our families and close friends praying for our strength, and we made it to the courthouse at 8am on Wednesday morning. We promised to provide a home for Eliza for all of her days. Within 20 minutes from the time it all started, it was all over. I want to respect M and the privacy of that morning, and so I’ll simply say this. We did not take for granted that for us to even be at the courthouse meant M had chosen the most difficult, loving, selfless and courageous action a mother can make for her child. She loves Eliza fiercely and we are so thankful she does. M gave us the sacred gift of becoming parents, and the magnitude of M’s sacrifice cannot be put into words. We then were able to go stay with my aunt and uncle for the next while we waited for the legal paperwork to be filed and finished allowing us to travel back to Texas. Being in their home was a total blessing and relief! They cooked us meals, helped with Eliza, and kept us sane as we were figuring out being parents! We got back to Texas on July 20th…. In a perfect twist that only God could have orchestrated because it was the same night Aaron’s episode of Hollywood Game Night aired which was so amazing since that’s how our journey to Eliza began. Adoption is beautiful and good and right. But it’s also complicated and hard. When you’re living it out, those two sides don’t cancel each other but rather sharpen the reality that the other side exists. Each person involved in adoption, the birthmom, the adoptive parents, and even the beautiful children, encounter both sides at some point. My husband said in describing our adoption journey, “Sometimes the hardest decisions are the best decisions,” and I’ve found that to be true time and time again.
1 Comment
|
About Holly's BlogHolly loves to write, and you'll find her blog covers all different topics! Categories
All
Archives
July 2020
|