Holly Brown
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Holly's blog ​about Life, Love, & Truth.

Response to Abby Johnson

9/3/2020

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Normally when I write, I poke and prod more than I rant and rave. As I write, I try to consider the person who disagrees with me because I want my words to build bridges. To help those reading figure out the next right thing.
 
But every once in a while, I write with a different person in mind. I write with my favorite faces in mind. I write from the deepest place of love that I can muster. Love that compels me to speak out on behalf of those I love.  When I write from this place, my writing can only be composed from words of anguish. Words of urgency. Words of bold conviction.
 
Today, as you read my words I hope you will hear my anguish. Sense my urgency. Hear my conviction.  Because for me, this article is intricately woven into the make-up of my family.
 
The faces that are in my mind as I write this time are my Black husband, my Black daughter, and my Biracial son. 

Ms. Abby Johnson was the Republican National Convention Speaker on August 25th who spoke on the sanctity of human life. She was a former Planned Parenthood Director and has since become a Pro-Life activist. Ms. Johnson, however, posted a video on YouTube in June of 2020 that came under scrutiny. The video has since been removed, but sources state that Ms. Abby Johnson explained that the police would be “smart” to profile her biracial son (via adoption) because statistically her Brown son is more likely to commit a crime than her White son.
 
Ms. Johnson and I are both Pro-Life, White mothers of children of Color. But let me be perfectly clear, I completely and ardently disagree with her belief that my children should be racially profiled by police and seen as more likely to commit a crime than their White counterparts.
 
To have that untrue and racist stereotype, not just believed by a parent, but actually endorsed by a parent is something that I struggle to wrap my mind around.
 
If my daughter were blonde hair and blue-eyed, would I say that teachers are right to profile my daughter as a dumb blonde? To assume that she’s less intelligent before she has even opened her mouth? I thought everyone agreed a long time ago that “dumb blonde” jokes weren’t funny nor were they accurate. In this case, I would immediately call the school and figure out what that particular teacher has against blonde hair/ blue eyed students to say such preposterous things?  So tell me why in the world would a mother play into an even greater, horrific, and tragic stereotype to assume that her Brown son is more likely to commit a crime than her White son?
 
Some will counter back with “well actually she said…” and try to explain away the horror of her statements. Actually she said that she assumes her Brown son is more likely to commit a crime simply because of his skin color. Ms. Johnson referenced and erroneously believes that the disproportionate numbers of Black and Brown men in the justice system are there because they are guilty. She assumes that there is no other reason for Black and Brown bodies to be oppressed and jailed than guilt.
 
She is ignoring major essential elements such as bias in the judicial system, bias in police officers, bias in the people on the jury. Or, even if we disregard the huge issue of individual bias, she has also ignored the systematic reasons, such as the laws that have been passed allowing greater sentences to Black and Brown individuals than White individuals for similar or identical crimes. In a quick google search, I uncovered many articles and sources stating that racial injustice in our judicial system exists. Here’s a couple of introductory headlines for you to consider. (I did a Google search for the sake of this post to show how easy it is to find credible resources.)
 
Black men who commit the same crimes as white men receive federal prison sentences that are, on average, nearly 20 percent longer, according to a new report on sentencing disparities from the United States Sentencing Commission (USSC). … A 2014 University of Michigan Law School study, for instance, found that all other factors being equal, black offenders were 75 percent more likely to face a charge carrying a mandatory minimum sentence than a white offender who committed the same crime.
Article linked here.
 
African Americans are burdened by a presumption of guilt that most defense lawyers are not prepared to overcome. As a result, African Americans make up 47% of exonerations even though they are only 13% of the population. Innocent Black people are about seven times more likely to be convicted of murder than innocent White people, and Black people who are convicted of murder are about 50% more likely to be innocent than non-Black people convicted of murder.
This info can be found on the Equal Justice Initiative’s website, linked here.
 
(For further examples, articles, etc… I would encourage you to start your own Google search.)
 
We don’t get a “free pass” for having racist ideology as long as we acknowledge life begins in the womb. The two do not cancel each other out. When our kids disobey, we don’t let them get away with telling us, “But Bobby hit Sarah at lunch!” We all know deflection when we see it in our children. So why do we deflect as adults? Sin is sin and shouldn’t be justified, explained away, or swept under the rug because a personal viewpoint makes a different sin “bigger.” God cares about the unborn child equally as much as he cares about the born child.  It’s time that Christians in America start acknowledging and acting on that truth as well.
 
As I read Ms. Johnson’s words, my body grew rigidly tense from the sorrow her words brought, the anger at the blatant lies and slander being promoted, and the horror in knowing those words will provide further support for authoritative systems, as well as American citizens, to continue the brutal and often deadly interactions with Black people in this country.
 
I know those words are genuinely believed. Not only by Ms. Johnson, but also by some men and women who live near my family. By some police officers that might one day pull my son or daughter over while they are driving. By a teacher who might be my child’s first class of the day.
 
Her words remind me that my children are not safe. Not in the same way that White children are.
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My children will still have to be on guard. Be extra cautious. Do the extra work to disprove the stereotype to stay alive.  

 
Beyond all my shock, grief, and anger stemming from Ms. Johnson’s words, however, I am equally, if not angrier with the leadership at the Republican National Convention.
 
Shame on you.
 
You invited a speaker, who a mere two months ago, promoted wrong, erroneous and dangerous allegations against men and women of Color and then acknowledged and stands by those words?
 
We know that the speakers are heavily vetted. We know that the RNC was well aware of her video. We understand that your decision to invite her to speak, knowing her beliefs on racial profiling and therefore racist stereotypes, was - by all ways that matter- an endorsement of her beliefs systems. At National Party Conventions, you don’t put anyone on a national stage and expect people to only listen to and believe the words they are speaking in their few minutes of air time.
 
Shame on you for brazenly endorsing the belief system that it’s ok to judge someone merely by the color of their skin before interacting with them.
 
Shame on you for boldly declaring racism via racial profiling is justified.
 
Shame on you for hosting a pro-life speaker who does not understand that her racial beliefs contribute to the culture that allows the innocent and unjust killings of life outside the womb.
 
Republican National Convention, shame on you.

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Our Adoption Story (Part 2)

8/16/2018

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{If you haven't read the first part of our adoption story yet, please click ​here!}
My phone rang and when I saw it was Aaron, I was a little surprised because he knew I was working on a project. I answered and he said “I just got the call.” I, not catching on, simply responded with “Oh, who  called?” He said, Nightlight. I responded, (still not catching on - because it had only been three weeks!!) said, “Oh what did they want?” He chuckled out of disbelief: “Holly I got THE call. They might have a match for us. When can you come home? They said they wanted to talk to both of us.”
My brain simultaneously went into overdrive and shut down. I got home 15 minutes later and we stared at each other in shock for a minute and then took a deep breath as we talked to the director. We found out a birthmom in Missouri was interested in us. She had narrowed it down to us and another couple and wanted to meet us. Then we heard an even greater shock. She was due in 6 weeks.

For further context, Aaron had finished his second year comprehensive exams for his MFA program the day before we got the phone call, and we were leaving for vacation the day after the phone call. The Lord’s grace in timing of that call was huge! A day earlier and Aaron would have been SO stressed, and a day later, we wouldn’t have gotten the call for 4 days as we were going to Cabo, Mexico.

We made plans to drive to Missouri the morning after we got back from Mexico to have dinner with the caseworker and birthmom. We are thankful for that week away to calm down, process and pray! It was incredibly helpful to prepare us mentally for the roller coaster of emotions that we were going to be on when we got back home.
I remember when we started the drive to Missouri looking at the clock realizing only 40 minutes had passed instead of the 2 hours I had thought! The time DRAGGED so slowly for me. Aaron is always more patient about everything and just told me to get comfortable and try to sleep.  It didn’t totally work, but we just kept driving, and 9 hours later, we found ourselves running into a Target to change clothes, buy a ribbon for the plate of cookies we had brought, and go to the bathroom before driving down the street to the restaurant.

I can’t really put into words the level of excitement, nerves, and trepidation walking into that restaurant. We had prayed a lot that we wouldn’t feel pressured to “perform” or “prove ourselves” but that instead we would simply be a loving example of Christ in those moments. I would be lying if I said there still wasn’t twinges of hoping the birthmom would like us, but truthfully, God worked mightily and we genuinely were more nervous about showing her love and sincerity in appropriate ways than anything else.

We walked in, met the case worker, and found ourselves sitting in a corner booth. A few minutes later in walked the birthmom, who for simplicity from here on out, I’ll just call M.   

The dinner was more enjoyable than we could have imagined. M and the caseworker were wonderful. M was gracious, kind, funny, and easy to talk with. We shared favorite foods, movies, interests and normal, everyday things. The dinner went by quickly, and at the end, M told us that she felt really comfortable with us and would like to move forward with the adoption plan for us to be the parents.
 
The only way to really describe that moment is to say it was staggering. To be looking in the eyes of a beautiful and courageous woman and be told she will be entrusting you with the most precious gift of life is staggeringly humbling.
On our way back to Texas, we started making to do lists in between phone calls to family and a close circle of friends. We had decided before ever learning about M and Baby Girl that we would only tell a small group of people until after bringing home a child. The reality is that in our agency 1 in 4 adoptions end up being failed matches (meaning the birthmom ends up deciding to parent). Our agency did a great job preparing us for that possibility while also helping us pray with an open hand knowing that God is sovereign. If our match didn’t work out, then that means it was never supposed to. We wanted to be able to rejoice and support the birthmom regardless of her adoption plan because she was making incredibly difficult choices. I know it seems like something that would be easy to type now, but actually praying through that and believing that was definitely a choice we had to fight for. Not because we didn’t want to but because it was honestly scary. For us, the adoption journey taught us so much about our love of control and lack of trust.
 
We got back to Texas and started a whirlwind of preparation. Our goal was to be ready a week or two before the due date in case Baby Girl decided to come early. If only we knew.  Due date came and went. Finally 7 excruciatingly long days after the due date, we got the call. Not that she was coming, but that the doctor was going to induce the next day. Aaron and I packed the car and hit the road. We got to my aunt and uncle’s late that night. I didn’t mention earlier, but yet another way God provided was that my aunt and uncle lived about thirty minutes from the hospital M and Baby Girl were going to be at! We were at the hospital by 9am the next morning and the real waiting began. Baby Girl was in no hurry to make her entrance.
At 4:25am the following morning, Eliza Grace was brought into our room and we fell in love. (The floor had graciously given us a room down the hall from M.) We were able to stay the two days at the hospital and it was incredibly special to be there with Eliza and M. We were discharged Saturday afternoon. We had to stay in the same county until our court date which as of Saturday was still TBD, but the attorneys thought it would be by the end of the day on Monday. So, we went to a hotel, brand new parents, itty bitty baby, and a whole lot of stuff! The first night in the hotel was… shall we say….. rough! Eliza screamed from midnight until 4am despite all the rocking, singing, swaying in the world.  I’ve never been so happy to see daylight!
Monday came and we kept waiting to hear about our court appointment, but we didn’t hear anything until 4:45pm. Our attorney’s office let us know that there had been an issue at the courthouse and so our appointment wouldn’t be until Wednesday morning. Honestly, that was really hard to hear for a practical and emotional reason. Practically, we couldn’t go to my aunt’s (because they lived in the next county) until after the court appointment. Emotionally, we were ready for everything to be finalized.  We had emotionally been prepared to have it all finished on Monday and to find out that we needed to wait a couple more days was emotionally exhausting.

However, we had our families and close friends praying for our strength, and we made it to the courthouse at 8am on Wednesday morning. We promised to provide a home for Eliza for all of her days. Within 20 minutes from the time it all started, it was all over.

I want to respect M and the privacy of that morning, and so I’ll simply say this. We did not take for granted that for us to even be at the courthouse meant M had chosen the most difficult, loving, selfless and courageous action a mother can make for her child.  She loves Eliza fiercely and we are so thankful she does. M gave us the sacred gift of becoming parents, and the magnitude of M’s sacrifice cannot be put into words.

We then were able to go stay with my aunt and uncle for the next while we waited for the legal paperwork to be filed and finished allowing us to travel back to Texas. Being in their home was a total blessing and relief! They cooked us meals, helped with Eliza, and kept us sane as we were figuring out being parents!
 
We got back to Texas on July 20th…. In a perfect twist that only God could have orchestrated because it was the same night Aaron’s episode of Hollywood Game Night aired which was so amazing since that’s how our journey to Eliza began.
 
Adoption is beautiful and good and right. But it’s also complicated and hard. When you’re living it out, those two sides don’t cancel each other but rather sharpen the reality that the other side exists. Each person involved in adoption, the birthmom, the adoptive parents, and even the beautiful children, encounter both sides at some point.  My husband said in describing our adoption journey, “Sometimes the hardest decisions are the best decisions,” and I’ve found that to be true time and time again.
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Our Adoption Story (Part 1)

8/14/2018

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Aaron and I had known since before we married that we wanted adoption to be part of our family’s story. However, we had always just assumed we would have biological kids first and adopt second for no particular reason other than that’s the “norm” it seems, and I, like most women, am aware that there’s a factor of the biological clock to be taken into account when thinking about pregnancy and giving birth.

God had another plan for our family, however, and He took us on a crazy faith journey that I wouldn’t believe if I didn’t live through it.

Our road to adoption has an unusual start. Aaron (my husband) loves pop culture and consequently the summer tv show, Hollywood Game Night. On a whim a couple years ago, he filled out their online application to be a contestant on the show. He received an automated “We aren’t currently accepting applications, but we will keep yours on file to review later.” We both wrote it off as a polite dismissal and months later, when his phone rang and it showed a Los Angeles number, he answered it expecting to talk to a telemarketer and instead found himself interviewing for the show. Several rounds of interviews later, and he was flying out to LA to have a final interview and find out if he would get to be a contestant and play for $25,000. Well, he did!... and he won! So in October of 2016 we found ourselves sitting at our kitchen table making a list titled “how to spend $25,000!”

We started praying about how to be good stewards with the unexpected blessing, and we kept making the wish list. On an unrelated note (or so we thought), we had decided we were also about ready to grow our family. We began hearing about a local Christian adoption agency literally every single week. It happened so much that finally Aaron and I talked one night and said “Oh you’ve noticed it too?” That led us to start asking God if He was trying to direct our attention to adoption, and after several days, we both felt that we were supposed to look into adoption.  We decided to explore one or two agencies or adoption methods a month, do our research, and then we would pick an agency from there.

The very next day we were sitting in church and our mouths dropped open as we heard our pastor say “Today is Adoption Sunday, and we have a table in the lobby with representatives from Nightlight Christian Adoptions. If you’ve ever considered adoption, stop by the table.” To make it even more ridiculous, Nightlight was the same adoption agency that we had kept hearing about in the weeks leading up to this! We sheepishly, excitedly and nervously stopped by the table after the service and left our names for further information. We still didn’t know if anything would come of it, but we knew our next step was to talk to this agency.

We found out that the agency was hosting an information session the following month, but  in order to attend, we had to fill out an application, submit references, and pay a deposit. Although that seemed intense for an introductory session, we realized it made us commit to our decision. We moved forward and submitted all the paperwork. We received an email from the director officially inviting us to the information session, and her email ended by saying that one of our references (Aaron’s mentor and the pastor who married us) was her former youth pastor and someone she loved. It was crazy to find out that connection!

At that point, Aaron said:  “It’s like God is saying- you may not know what to expect or how all this will turn out, but I have every detail orchestrated. He knew years ago when she was in Wes’ youth group that our paths would cross. He keeps giving us reminders at the exact moments we need it that He is in control and has a plan.”

We had no idea how God would work in even greater ways over and over again.

After that training day, we began the mountain of paperwork. Honestly there were a lot of emotional ups and downs throughout the entire process. Everything was unknown and intense, and I remember many times having to hold onto the reminder that God led us to this and was in the details- even when they didn’t make sense.

Right as we were starting the process, sometime between the initial introductory session and the following 8 hour training day, I had a routine doctor’s appointment. In this appointment, the subject of kids came up, and I told my doctor that my husband and I were starting the adoption process. I was shocked when his response was to question our decision by informing me that I was already past the peak years of childbearing age, and by choosing adoption first, I was putting future biological children at risk. I had walked into that doctor’s appointment needing a refill on a prescription, and I walked out of the appointment a bit shaken on life. I called my husband and processed through that conversation with him, and ultimately, for my husband and I, we knew that adoption was right to pursue. We didn’t know how it would turn out, but we knew we needed to keep moving forward.

A month later, I needed to get a physical done for the paperwork part of the adoption process. I knew that I couldn’t go back to my previous doctor. I found a new doctor, made an appointment, and went. On that visit, during the first couple minutes when I was with the nurse getting my vitals taken, she asked me what I was there for. I told her I needed a physical for paperwork in our adoption process, and she responded with genuine warmth and excitement for us. So much so, I was a bit surprised at her level of excitement! Shortly after that, the doctor came in, and she also expressed excitement for us. As the appointment was ending, the doctor left, and I was with the same nurse again as she finished up the paperwork. I remember sitting there feeling so thankful that this visit had gone so much better than my last one when the nurse began to speak to me again, quietly, saying,

“You might have been surprised with how excited I was that you said you and your husband were adopting. Years ago, I was in a different place and was going through an extremely difficult time. I was pregnant and chose adoption. A wonderful family, much like yours, is raising my son and I’m so thankful for them. I don’t regret it. I know it was the best choice and the right choice. So even now, I’m thankful for families who choose to adopt.”
Honestly, tears come to my eyes even as I write that. She didn’t have to share with me that day, but she did. And in that moment, God whispered once again that He was directing our steps. I got to the car and sat in awe. God redeemed that doctor’s office moment and overwhelmed me with the exact encouragement and hope that I needed at the perfect time.

Once we had submitted all of our paperwork, our adoption agency set our homestudy appointment sometime between Spring Break and Easter. We were pretty nervous about the homestudy as we didn’t totally know what to expect, and I think we were also beginning to realize the magnitude of life change that was coming our way.
I remember the week before the homestudy, I had been reminded through some conversations and readings of some of the really difficult realities of some adoptions. One Wednesday night in particular, I talked to Aaron and said, “I know God is leading us through this, but it’s just a lot right now. A lot of money. A lot of risks.” 

I even remember talking about how Baylor (where I work) didn’t have a paid maternity leave policy. As the primary earner in this season, that weighed on me as well. That night Aaron walked me through all the ways God had encouraged and provided for us thus far, and being reminded that God was in this long before we knew about it was exactly what I needed.  It was a great reminder, but I was still having to fight back fear. I wish I rebounded immediately from feeling overwhelmed, but most of the time, it takes a few days of surrendering those fears repeatedly to the Lord. This was no exception.

The next day, I was sitting at my desk, and I saw an “Special Update” email from the HR department at Baylor stating that they have updated Baylor’s maternity leave policy and would now be offering a paid maternity leave! My jaw literally dropped.  But that wasn’t all… Additionally, Baylor was introducing an Adoption Reimbursement Program effective immediately that adoptive families, upon finalization, could turn in receipts of adoption expenses and be reimbursed up to $6,000.

I can’t make this stuff up.

I called Aaron in tears. I have said many times since that day that God taught me so much in one email. I hadn’t even considered that God could or would change an HR policy. I hadn’t even thought of praying for that. But He did. And He chose to announce it that day.
At the homestudy we found out that there wasn’t any major red flags with us, and we would officially find out if we were approved and on the eligible list in the next couple of weeks. We needed to make a profile video that birthmoms would be able to watch if/when we were approved. We also needed to make a photo book – basically a snapshot of our lives (and buy 10 copies for all the offices of our agency to have).

Since Aaron’s semester was getting into the super crazy time, we decided to go ahead and schedule a time on Easter weekend to shoot our video. I also started looking at websites to do our photobook, and again, my mouth dropped open. Shutterfly was having a Buy One Get One sale with free shipping. That alone saved us several hundred dollars! Once again, God had the details totally worked out.
We had taken a step of faith and moved forward with the video and photobook before being officially approved, but thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long to find out that we were approved to be adoptive parents! Literally, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Within days of our approval, we had our video uploaded to the website and photo books sent to the different branches. We were now on the wait list!

Let me pause here and say, most adoptive families are waiting for months and even years. In many ways that’s one of the hardest parts of the process, if not the hardest part of the process. Because of this, we had told very few that we were in this process because the timeline is so varied and can be incredibly long.

With adoption, there are no formulas.

We were prepared to wait many months, but our phone rang three weeks later.
 

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