Our Adoption Story (Part 1)

Aaron and I had known since before we married that we wanted adoption to be part of our family’s story. However, we had always just assumed we would have biological kids first and adopt second for no particular reason other than that’s the “norm” it seems, and I, like most women, am aware that there’s a factor of the biological clock to be taken into account when thinking about pregnancy and giving birth.

God had another plan for our family, however, and He took us on a crazy faith journey that I wouldn’t believe if I didn’t live through it.

Our road to adoption has an unusual start. Aaron (my husband) loves pop culture and consequently the summer tv show, Hollywood Game Night. On a whim a couple years ago, he filled out their online application to be a contestant on the show. He received an automated “We aren’t currently accepting applications, but we will keep yours on file to review later.” We both wrote it off as a polite dismissal and months later, when his phone rang and it showed a Los Angeles number, he answered it expecting to talk to a telemarketer and instead found himself interviewing for the show. Several rounds of interviews later, and he was flying out to LA to have a final interview and find out if he would get to be a contestant and play for $25,000. Well, he did!... and he won! So in October of 2016 we found ourselves sitting at our kitchen table making a list titled “how to spend $25,000!”

We started praying about how to be good stewards with the unexpected blessing, and we kept making the wish list. On an unrelated note (or so we thought), we had decided we were also about ready to grow our family. We began hearing about a local Christian adoption agency literally every single week. It happened so much that finally Aaron and I talked one night and said “Oh you’ve noticed it too?” That led us to start asking God if He was trying to direct our attention to adoption, and after several days, we both felt that we were supposed to look into adoption.  We decided to explore one or two agencies or adoption methods a month, do our research, and then we would pick an agency from there.

The very next day we were sitting in church and our mouths dropped open as we heard our pastor say “Today is Adoption Sunday, and we have a table in the lobby with representatives from Nightlight Christian Adoptions. If you’ve ever considered adoption, stop by the table.” To make it even more ridiculous, Nightlight was the same adoption agency that we had kept hearing about in the weeks leading up to this! We sheepishly, excitedly and nervously stopped by the table after the service and left our names for further information. We still didn’t know if anything would come of it, but we knew our next step was to talk to this agency.

We found out that the agency was hosting an information session the following month, but  in order to attend, we had to fill out an application, submit references, and pay a deposit. Although that seemed intense for an introductory session, we realized it made us commit to our decision. We moved forward and submitted all the paperwork. We received an email from the director officially inviting us to the information session, and her email ended by saying that one of our references (Aaron’s mentor and the pastor who married us) was her former youth pastor and someone she loved. It was crazy to find out that connection!

At that point, Aaron said:  “It’s like God is saying- you may not know what to expect or how all this will turn out, but I have every detail orchestrated. He knew years ago when she was in Wes’ youth group that our paths would cross. He keeps giving us reminders at the exact moments we need it that He is in control and has a plan.”

We had no idea how God would work in even greater ways over and over again.

After that training day, we began the mountain of paperwork. Honestly there were a lot of emotional ups and downs throughout the entire process. Everything was unknown and intense, and I remember many times having to hold onto the reminder that God led us to this and was in the details- even when they didn’t make sense.

Right as we were starting the process, sometime between the initial introductory session and the following 8 hour training day, I had a routine doctor’s appointment. In this appointment, the subject of kids came up, and I told my doctor that my husband and I were starting the adoption process. I was shocked when his response was to question our decision by informing me that I was already past the peak years of childbearing age, and by choosing adoption first, I was putting future biological children at risk. I had walked into that doctor’s appointment needing a refill on a prescription, and I walked out of the appointment a bit shaken on life. I called my husband and processed through that conversation with him, and ultimately, for my husband and I, we knew that adoption was right to pursue. We didn’t know how it would turn out, but we knew we needed to keep moving forward.

A month later, I needed to get a physical done for the paperwork part of the adoption process. I knew that I couldn’t go back to my previous doctor. I found a new doctor, made an appointment, and went. On that visit, during the first couple minutes when I was with the nurse getting my vitals taken, she asked me what I was there for. I told her I needed a physical for paperwork in our adoption process, and she responded with genuine warmth and excitement for us. So much so, I was a bit surprised at her level of excitement! Shortly after that, the doctor came in, and she also expressed excitement for us. As the appointment was ending, the doctor left, and I was with the same nurse again as she finished up the paperwork. I remember sitting there feeling so thankful that this visit had gone so much better than my last one when the nurse began to speak to me again, quietly, saying,

“You might have been surprised with how excited I was that you said you and your husband were adopting. Years ago, I was in a different place and was going through an extremely difficult time. I was pregnant and chose adoption. A wonderful family, much like yours, is raising my son and I’m so thankful for them. I don’t regret it. I know it was the best choice and the right choice. So even now, I’m thankful for families who choose to adopt.”
Honestly, tears come to my eyes even as I write that. She didn’t have to share with me that day, but she did. And in that moment, God whispered once again that He was directing our steps. I got to the car and sat in awe. God redeemed that doctor’s office moment and overwhelmed me with the exact encouragement and hope that I needed at the perfect time.

Once we had submitted all of our paperwork, our adoption agency set our homestudy appointment sometime between Spring Break and Easter. We were pretty nervous about the homestudy as we didn’t totally know what to expect, and I think we were also beginning to realize the magnitude of life change that was coming our way.
I remember the week before the homestudy, I had been reminded through some conversations and readings of some of the really difficult realities of some adoptions. One Wednesday night in particular, I talked to Aaron and said, “I know God is leading us through this, but it’s just a lot right now. A lot of money. A lot of risks.” 

I even remember talking about how Baylor (where I work) didn’t have a paid maternity leave policy. As the primary earner in this season, that weighed on me as well. That night Aaron walked me through all the ways God had encouraged and provided for us thus far, and being reminded that God was in this long before we knew about it was exactly what I needed.  It was a great reminder, but I was still having to fight back fear. I wish I rebounded immediately from feeling overwhelmed, but most of the time, it takes a few days of surrendering those fears repeatedly to the Lord. This was no exception.

The next day, I was sitting at my desk, and I saw an “Special Update” email from the HR department at Baylor stating that they have updated Baylor’s maternity leave policy and would now be offering a paid maternity leave! My jaw literally dropped.  But that wasn’t all… Additionally, Baylor was introducing an Adoption Reimbursement Program effective immediately that adoptive families, upon finalization, could turn in receipts of adoption expenses and be reimbursed up to $6,000.

I can’t make this stuff up.

I called Aaron in tears. I have said many times since that day that God taught me so much in one email. I hadn’t even considered that God could or would change an HR policy. I hadn’t even thought of praying for that. But He did. And He chose to announce it that day.
At the homestudy we found out that there wasn’t any major red flags with us, and we would officially find out if we were approved and on the eligible list in the next couple of weeks. We needed to make a profile video that birthmoms would be able to watch if/when we were approved. We also needed to make a photo book – basically a snapshot of our lives (and buy 10 copies for all the offices of our agency to have).

Since Aaron’s semester was getting into the super crazy time, we decided to go ahead and schedule a time on Easter weekend to shoot our video. I also started looking at websites to do our photobook, and again, my mouth dropped open. Shutterfly was having a Buy One Get One sale with free shipping. That alone saved us several hundred dollars! Once again, God had the details totally worked out.
We had taken a step of faith and moved forward with the video and photobook before being officially approved, but thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long to find out that we were approved to be adoptive parents! Literally, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Within days of our approval, we had our video uploaded to the website and photo books sent to the different branches. We were now on the wait list!

Let me pause here and say, most adoptive families are waiting for months and even years. In many ways that’s one of the hardest parts of the process, if not the hardest part of the process. Because of this, we had told very few that we were in this process because the timeline is so varied and can be incredibly long.

With adoption, there are no formulas.

We were prepared to wait many months, but our phone rang three weeks later.