My significantly insignificant life.

Can I say this out loud?

I want to change the world. I want to be a Priscilla Shirer. A Beth Moore. An Amy Voskamp.

Yet… I’m not. [I know. You’re so shocked.]

But really… it seems as though “big breaks” and “not-so-coincidental” meetings never work out for me. Each time I try to run into significance, I’m re-routed to normalcy.
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Evidently God would argue that changing the world is not “Step 4” on His “10 Step Plan” for my life.  So I’m left in this place where it is all too easy to fall into comparison and/or self-judgement as to why I was foolish to ever think {or} want {or} dream of being a world-changer… or I find myself frustrated with why God won’t use a willing vessel!  Clearly there’s a need! Just turn on the television or watch a YouTube video! 

But God doesn’t seem to think the world needs another Beth Moore or Angie Smith. Evidently, he thinks a Texas school needs another employee. And some college students need another mentor.

Then one day this humbling truth knocked the wind out of me.

Insignificant? To some. But not to them.

As that sunk in, I finally had to admit that there is a selfishness in my soul even in something as good as the desire to change the world. Because I want to change the world in my way. On my terms.
 
But Jesus changed the world a very different way. On his terms.
Jesus poured into twelve. Then three.
Sometimes he had crowds of fans. Sometimes he had no one.
But the world changed.
Through one Savior investing in 12 “insignificant” lives. 
These men were not the Tony Evans and Matt Chandlers of their day.  They were the next door neighbors. The 7th grade teachers. The mechanics. The “obviously insignificant” ones that He used to make the most significant impact.
Please hear me, I am in no way trying to imply that Beth Moore, Matt Chandler and the other people I mentioned are not making an ENORMOUS impact for God, because they are indeed.

I’m simply learning that big ministries to thousands of people is not the only way God changes the world.
 
He also does it through cups of coffee across the table.
Tear-filled honest conversations.  
Transparency of one’s own mistakes to save another’s.
​Pouring actionable truth into the life of a younger Believer.
 
The longer I live this life of “insignificance”, the more I’m finding the people I get to invest in, make it, simply put, significant.

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