Why abstinence isn't working.

Sex.
It seems as though it’s been coming up everywhere. More so than usual.
 
It’s one of the most celebrated acts known to mankind and yet somehow one of the most awkward subjects to talk about to a younger generation. I have found that the Christian world finds it easy to issue commands about waiting to have sex until married but finds it incredibly uncomfortable to actually engage in a discussion about it. I believe that is one of our largest failures.  We have done an incredible disservice to the next generation by repeating “don’t have sex” until we are out of breath, and never explaining anything farther than that. We don’t tell them the truth about sex.
 
Some, however, do start out strong by telling the younger generation: 

• Sex is magnetic.
• It’s powerful.
• It’s amazing.
• It forms a bond that is very difficult to walk away from.
• It fulfills a physical desire and an emotional need at the same time.
• There’s a reason for the hype!

 
 All the pull, power, and passion that sex cultivates is normal, natural, and special. God tells us that we were created as sexual creatures and we shouldn’t fear sex, we should enjoy it! He designed sex as a beautifully intimate way to create life. It is something worth fighting for, both before, and during your marriage, and it truly is an amazing gift for marriage!
 
It’s a gift with instructions however: Sex is only to be used in marriage.  Anything else will bring destruction.  God gives us the commands to abstain to protect us from the pain that comes when we don’t.

And far too often, this is where we stop. 

We give them hope for how great it is followed by a stern warning. Neither of which are bad, but we simply need to look at statistics to see that abstinence is not happening. We need to step outside of the box of comfortable conversations and get into the reality of what it actually takes to stay pure from this point in your life until marriage.
 
So here is what we rarely say but desperately need to:
To be perfectly honest, to use this gift of sex outside of marriage, you initially still receive all the benefits. The perks. The “gift-like” feelings. You still feel the rush or high of intimacy. You still feel the magnetic pull and the desire for more.

Purity quickly becomes one of the hardest wars you will ever have to fight.

Once you’ve experienced it, it will be incredibly hard to stop short of sex in the future. It will be far easier and more enjoyable to listen to our bodies instead of our heads. You will love the way you feel in the moment so it will be much easier to fall than you ever thought possible. It will also be much harder to tell the truth about your purity struggle than you ever imagined. The temptation of physical intimacy will isolate you because you’ll be too afraid to be honest with your accountability partner or friends.
 
But then at some point…. the hard reality of truth hits. 

• The hard truth that the guy doesn’t actually love you. Or even like you.

• The heart-breaking truth that your relationship started out founded on all the right things but has morphed into a physical lust. That lust has slowly killed off communication, respect, trust, and confidence. You are left with a relationship that used to have potential for a life-time together, but now doesn't last a year.

• The aching truth that you just allowed someone to see every part of you, only to have him dating another girl a few months later after your break-up. And you’re stuck contemplating {the cruel lie} what part of you wasn’t enough?

• The truth that sex is like a drug, in that it wraps you around its finger and you find yourself at the mercy of lust. Despite saying you won’t go down that road again, you find yourself farther than you were before and ever wanted to be.

 
The bottom line is this: The very thing that is designed to produce life will, if used outside of God’s plan, destroy your life instead.
 
If we want to effectively fight for purity, we’ve got to stop thinking we’re going to be the exception- the one person who can stand up to the tidal wave of desire, lust, and feelings and come out fine!
 
If you want to protect your purity, then there are a few things that you must have in place in your life- single or dating.

• Find a same-gender accountability partner that will love you unconditionally but also hold you unconditionally accountable.
  • Be brutally honest. Tell her how far you’ve gone after every date.
  • That’s the only way accountability truly works.
• Wait to date a guy who actively shares your commitment to obeying God and remaining pure.
  • If he pushes you for a “little more,” or finds it difficult to set boundaries, seriously reconsider!
  • Get other godly insight into the relationship.
• Make smart decisions!
  • Don’t put yourself in situations where temptation hits hardest!
  • Don’t hang out in his bedroom at 2am!
• Run away from temptation not towards it!
  • Stop thinking with your body and start thinking with your mind.

 
If you’re in this battle for purity, regardless of your past, purity, from here on, is worth every hard decision. Every drop of loneliness. Every “no” to your feelings and “yes” to the Lord. Your past is simply that- your past. Your future is not yet determined!
 
Sex is worth the fight to wait for your husband. You won’t regret it.
 
To the ladies who don’t necessarily fit into the “younger generation” category …
Let's start being honest about the war of purity and the strength it takes to fight it.  It's as if we're sending the next generation into one of the hardest battles of the war, and yet we aren't giving them the weapons they'll need to win. No wonder abstinence is losing. We're standing on the sidelines yelling to fight harder when the truth is they need a better understanding of the battle and how to fight it.

For some of us, that means we need to believe God’s promise that He can use anything in our lives to work out for His glory and our best. It’s time we start using our stories (the good and the bad) to glorify God through helping younger women {or our friends}.
For some, it’s time we start caring more about protecting the next generation {or our friends} than the perfect facade wrapped around our lives that we want others to believe.  Let’s start telling the truth.
For some, it’s time we start speaking the truth in love to the next generation {or our friends} to show them that someone cares enough to hold them accountable.
 
Ladies, let’s help one another through this.
 
The beauty of sex should be celebrated. The power of sex must be explained.
 
-Holly B.

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